When Aaron Rodgers left the field on a cart, the Jets’ front office knew they had an issue on their hands. While they have the obligatory backup in place, they’re lacking the long-arm abilities of a certain style of quarterback.

Enter Colin Kaepernick. While he hasn’t played in six years, he’s still probably better than any other quarterback available in the third week of September. For head Coach Joe Barron, however, he’s still not worth it.“I’ll quit on the spot if they sign him,” said Barron, “then they can see just how much a troublemaker has to offer while they look for new leadership on the field.

Several other players have also expressed their dislike for the idea, which should pave the way for a fairly successful little barrage of stories and campy memes.

ALLOD’s Sports Correspondent Jack Bowman says that even with Kaepernick, the Jets are probably screwed. “The team was really counting on his immune system to help them through flu season,” Bowman reported, “Now they’re concerned that they’re more vulnerable to Influenza F with his adrenochrome in the air in the locker room.”

It’s a valid concern, according to our sciencer Tara Newhole. “Lack of compound adrenochrome from someone who is unvaccinated in a setting like that will probably lead to increased cases of infant myocarditis in trafficked children in Columbia,” she warned, “Somebody should make a movie.”

Looks like Kaepernick definitely has the deck stacked against him if he thinks he’s going to New Jersey to play for New York. God Bless America.