Ah, Thanksgiving \u2014 the one day we gather to give thanks, devour excessive amounts of food, and (if you\u2019re lucky) sidestep awkward family conversations.
\nBut Thanksgiving is also prime time for a little humor, especially when it comes to poking fun at family dynamics, food fails, and just the general chaos that comes with holiday gatherings.<\/p>\n
Here are ten Thanksgiving jokes guaranteed to keep you laughing until dessert. So, grab a drumstick or piece of pumpkin pie, settle in, and prepare to gobble up some laughs.<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n
1. Turkey Talkin\u2019 Kindergarten Realizations<\/p>\n
Picture this: I was picking up my kindergartner after school, and she couldn\u2019t wait to share the day\u2019s big revelation.<\/p>\n
\u201cMommy!\u201d she chirped in the car. \u201cToday we learned that boys are different from girls.\u201d<\/p>\n
My grip on the steering wheel tightened as she continued \u2014 I had no clue where this was going to go.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy teacher said that boys have a \u2018thing\u2019 girls don\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n
I took a deep breath, waiting for what was to come. Then, Mila clarified even further.<\/p>\n
\u201cGirls know boys are boys because of this thing that hangs down. And boys puff up when they see a girl they like!\u201d<\/p>\n
I could feel my palms sweat, my brain scrambling for words. But she wasn\u2019t done.<\/p>\n
\u201cGirls like it when boys\u2019 things move when they walk. Then they get married and get cooked.\u201d<\/p>\n
We finally made it home, with me still trying to figure out how I was going to answer any follow-up questions from my child.<\/p>\n
But after Mila kicked off her shoes, she proudly pulled out her art project: a crayon sketch of a turkey, tail feathers flared, snood dangling triumphantly.<\/p>\n
She glared when I burst out laughing at her \u201cboy.\u201d<\/p>\n
But, to this day, Thanksgiving turkeys make me look twice.<\/p>\n
2. The Prayerful Player<\/p>\n
A 17-year-old boy visits the drugstore before Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m invited to my girlfriend\u2019s for dinner, and maybe\u2026\u201d he hinted, winking at the pharmacist.<\/p>\n
The man slid a box of condoms over the counter.<\/p>\n
\u201cGood call,\u201d said the boy, grabbing a second box with a mischievous grin. \u201cHer mom\u2019s pretty attractive, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
Fast-forward to Thanksgiving.<\/p>\n
The girlfriend\u2019s mom asks him to lead grace. The boy, palms sweating, launches into the longest prayer of his life. His girlfriend leans over.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know you were so religious!\u201d she whispers.<\/p>\n
He glances back, horrified.<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t know your dad was the pharmacist!\u201d<\/p>\n
3. Polite Parrot Problems<\/p>\n
A woman brought home a parrot only to find it loved to insult her. Terrified it would cause a scene, she braced herself for Thanksgiving with her entire family over.<\/p>\n
But, as the family ate, the parrot stayed silent. Afterward, it turned to her.<\/p>\n
\u201cI apologize for my previous behavior. I was out of line.\u201d<\/p>\n
The woman blinked, stunned.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, thank you,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I may ask,\u201d the parrot said gravely, \u201cwhat on Earth did that turkey say to you?\u201d<\/p>\n
4. Morning Farts and Thanksgiving Guts<\/p>\n
An older man loved his morning ritual \u2014 letting out a thunderous fart, much to his wife\u2019s dismay.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne of these days, you\u2019ll fart your guts out,\u201d she warned him daily.<\/p>\n
Then, on Thanksgiving morning, she had an idea.<\/p>\n
Armed with turkey innards, she tiptoed to his bedside, slipped the guts into his underpants, and waited. The man could sleep through anything and didn\u2019t feel it.<\/p>\n
Until\u2026<\/p>\n
Moments later, after his fart of the day, he thundered down the stairs, pale and wide-eyed.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoney, you were right about the guts. I finally did it.\u201d<\/p>\n
He lifted his hands in the air.<\/p>\n
\u201cBut thank God, I pushed them all back up there!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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