My ex showed up on my doorstep one day, after I\u2019d kicked him out.<\/p>\n
He handed me a bag with a dozen eggs and a half-pound of bologna. Okay. I took it just to get him off my back.<\/p>\n
Imagine my surprise when I met a mutual friend the same day, and he said,<\/p>\n
\u201cI saw Alex today, he was bragging that he\u2019d stocked your fridge from top to bottom.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was a typical Saturday morning when my ex, Alex, showed up at my doorstep. This wasn\u2019t unusual, except for the fact that I had kicked him out two months ago after he turned my life into an episode of a bad reality show. I didn\u2019t even hear him knock\u2014he just appeared, like a misplaced cloud, looking all sheepish and holding a plastic grocery bag.<\/p>\n
Without saying much, he shoved it into my hands. \u201cHere,\u201d he mumbled. \u201cI got you some stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at the bag, expecting something\u2026 useful. Maybe milk? Or, I don\u2019t know, a nice bottle of wine to make up for his previous screw-ups? But nope. It was a dozen eggs and half a pound of bologna. I blinked at him, confused. \u201cEggs? And\u2026 bologna?\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked so serious as he handed them to me. \u201cYeah, top-notch stuff. Thought you could use it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was too stunned to say anything, so I just nodded and took the bag. \u201cThanks, I guess,\u201d I muttered, more interested in the fact that he had the audacity to show up uninvited than in the bologna.<\/p>\n
As he walked away, I couldn\u2019t help but feel like I had just witnessed some weird food delivery service I never signed up for. But, to be honest, I didn\u2019t want to engage in an awkward conversation, so I let it slide.<\/p>\n
Later that day, I ran into a mutual friend, Josh, at the park. He had a huge grin on his face as he waved me over. \u201cHey! Guess what?\u201d<\/p>\n
I raised an eyebrow. \u201cWhat?\u201d
\nJosh looked around like he was about to reveal some grand conspiracy. \u201cI saw Alex today. He was, like, bragging about how he stocked your fridge from top to bottom!\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him. \u201cWhat? My fridge is stocked with a dozen eggs and a half-pound of bologna, that\u2019s it!\u201d<\/p>\n
Josh laughed so hard, he nearly fell over. \u201cThat\u2019s it? Man, he was acting like he just bought you a year\u2019s worth of caviar and champagne!\u201d
\nI couldn\u2019t help but laugh too. \u201cI think he thinks I\u2019m going to throw a bologna-and-egg dinner party or something. \u2018Welcome to my humble abode, here\u2019s some eggy bologna.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
We both cracked up, but it was clear that Alex had somehow managed to turn an everyday grocery run into an accomplishment worthy of a gold medal.
\n\u201cWell,\u201d Josh said, wiping away tears from laughing, \u201cat least he\u2019s got good taste in breakfast foods.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, if you\u2019re planning to host a brunch in 1982,\u201d I said, shaking my head.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s how Alex, the ex who couldn\u2019t be trusted to take out the trash, somehow believed that a bag of eggs and bologna was his ticket to winning me back. Maybe next time, he could try something more sophisticated\u2014like a salad\u2026 or, you know, some actual effort.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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