An old lady is speeding down a highway, when she spots a police officer with a speed gun.

The officer motions for her to pull over, then approaches up and asks her, smiling: “What’s the rush?” “I’m late for work.” “Sure,” the officer replies, “What do you do?” “I’m a rectal distender.”

“A what?” A rectal distender? “What exactly is that?” “Well, you see, I start with one finger, then another, and so on, until the entire hand is in. I work from side to side until I can fit both hands in, and then I slowly but steadily enlarge the rectum until it’s approximately 6 feet wide.”“And what the hell do you do with a 6 feet asshole?” “Give him a speed gun and put him by the side of the road.”

Related Posts

A Stranger Gave Me A Pad At The Mall—Inside Were Two Words That Changed Everything

The bathroom smelled like citrus cleaner and something metallic underneath. Fluorescents buzzed. A stall door creaked. I was turning to leave when a woman in a sunflower…

The Day We Shared Our Hunger Turned Into Something Bigger

When I got home from school one afternoon, my mom called and asked if I could bring her some food to work. She hadn’t been given lunch….

My Father Said He’d Disown Me Over My Pregnancy—Then He Came Back And Saw What We Built

My dad didn’t slam a door when I told him I was pregnant by Justin—a quiet, kind carpenter who smells like cedar and sawdust and laughs with…

Grandma’s Kitchen Wisdom: What You Should Never Cook in a Cast Iron Pan

My grandma has always treated her cast iron pans like treasures. To her, they weren’t just kitchen tools — they were part of the family, seasoned with…

What’s the Line Between Normal and Abnormal Nighttime Urination?

Waking up in the middle of the night to use the restroom is not always cause for alarm. However, if it occurs frequently or begins to interfere…

My Husband’s Mysterious New Routine Had Me Worried—Until I Learned the Truth

My husband became unusually quiet ever since he started his new hobby. Whenever I asked him about it, he would only smile and say it felt “liberating.”…