My daughter just…

My daughter just walked into the living room and said “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop.

Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.

Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.

Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”

Well, she didn’t put it quite like that… she actually said…

“Dad, this is my new boyfriend,

John came back from a safari in Africa.Upon arrival, he went to his friend Mark, and told him of his adventures:

“I was out in the jungle.” He said.

“When all of a sudden I heard a noise in the bush behind me.

Looking back, I saw a huge lion, licking his chops, and smiling at me.

The lion started coming my way and I started running, with the lion not far behind.

When the lion was almost at my neck, he suddenly slipped, and I got ahead a bit.

The lion started gaining on me, and as he got closer, once again he slipped. I happened to see a house not far away and made towards it.

As I got close to the house, the lion was almost on top of me, when he slipped for a third time.

With the very last bit of strength, I ran into the house and closed the door in the lion’s face.”

“That’s some story there, John, I would have shat my pants.”

“Well, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE LION KEPT SLIPPING ON?”

Related Posts

My Husband Claimed He Was Away for Work – Then I Discovered Him Digging Behind Our Lake House

Mia thought her husband, Adam, was away on a work trip, so she surprised their kids with a spontaneous visit to their family lake house. But when…

Gutfeld Clashes With Tarlov Over ‘Both Sides’ Argument on Kirk Suspect

Tensions flared on Fox News’ The Five after co-host Greg Gutfeld forcefully rejected Jessica Tarlov’s attempt to frame political violence as a “both sides” issue in the…

“My Husband Gave His Mom a Key to Our House — What She Did While I Was in Labor Made Me Ask Her to Leave”

When my husband Evan and I brought our newborn daughter Grace home from the hospital, I expected to find a nursery full of love and everything we…

Photo Of Trump At White House Rose Garden Turns Heads After People Spot Small Detail

But amid all the internet-fueled speculation, there’s one important fact being overlooked: Trump’s most recent medical evaluation gave him a clean bill of health. Captain Sean Barbabella,…

Every Summer I Paid For Our Family Trip—Until Mom Said This About Me

Every summer, it’s the same story. We plan a family trip, and I end up covering all the costs. This year too, my mom called, casually telling…

She Mocked Our Grandma During The Toast—Then Jacob Dropped The One Thing We’d Buried For Years

My brother Jacob was getting married. He only wanted two toasts: one from me, one from Grandma. Our mom died when he was 7. Dad remarried Linda….