A Lesson in Boundaries

I ran into my elderly neighbor near the entrance to our building. She asked me to look at what was wrong with her computer — she couldn’t open any websites. So I went and saw that the icon showed no signal… to my Wi-Fi. I was immediately struck by a wave of guilt, as I remembered something from three days earlier. I had replaced my router and changed the password, not thinking about the ripple effect it might cause.

Three days earlier, I had replaced my router and changed the password, and I had completely forgotten about my neighbor. I recalled that eight years earlier, she had asked me for help because she couldn’t get in touch with her son in China. She didn’t have internet at the time, so I installed Skype for her and connected her to my Wi-Fi. It was supposed to be a temporary thing, just to help her out, but I had forgotten to disconnect it, and somehow she had been using my internet ever since.

I explained the situation to her, admitting that she had been using my internet for the last eight years without realizing it. I told her that now that I had changed my router settings, she would need to get her own internet service. I suggested that she could easily afford it since it was only about $4 a month. I was trying to be polite, but I also wanted her to take responsibility for her own needs.

Her response caught me off guard. She didn’t acknowledge the years of free service I had given her. Instead, she simply said, “Make it the way it used to be. You have internet. Why don’t you share?” It wasn’t the gratitude I expected, nor did she express any appreciation for the years I had helped her without complaint. I was taken aback, but I firmly said no. I couldn’t continue to offer her my internet without any recognition of the situation.

She didn’t say anything more after that. As I left her apartment, I noticed that she no longer greeted me with her usual warmth. It was as if a small but important part of our relationship had shifted. The kindness and trust I had shown her for so many years seemed to have evaporated, replaced with an unspoken tension. I felt a strange mix of frustration and sadness, but I reminded myself that I had done nothing wrong.

Of course, life continued as usual. I still trusted people, still helped others when I could, but that experience lingered in my mind. It was a lesson in boundaries, in recognizing when kindness is taken for granted. I had given her an inch, and she had wanted a mile. But despite all of that, I kept my head up, knowing I had done the right thing, even if it didn’t turn out the way I expected.

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