Isn’t it funny how people’s perceptions of the very same event can be so different? Even something like a marriage. My husband Zack thought he was a happily married man, I knew I was unhappy.

Our two realities finally clashed when I asked him for a divorce on our thirtieth wedding anniversary, two weeks after our third and youngest child left home.

He stood there staring at me in absolute shock. “What?” he asked. “Who’s getting a divorce?”

“You,” I told him. “Or rather, I am.”

Zack sat down heavily, still staring. “You’re divorcing me?”

“Yes,” I repeated. “I’m divorcing you.”

“But why?” he cried, and I was surprised to see tears in his eyes. “I love you, Kelly, I always have, and I never cheated on you, not ever!”

“That’s true,” I said. “You never cheated and you never drank or gambled.”

One of the most important things in a relationship is to LISTEN to what the other person is really saying.

“But…Then why?” he asked angrily. “I did NOTHING and you’re divorcing me? Are you having an affair?”

“NO!” I cried. “I’m not! Do you want to know why I’m leaving you, Zack? I’ll tell you…” I walked right up to him and looked him in the eyes.

“I’m leaving you because you did NOTHING! When the children came and I was holding a full-time job and coming home to do the housework alone, you did NOTHING.

“When I was so ill I could barely get out of bed, you did NOTHING; when my father died and I was devastated by grief, you did NOTHING; when I went through menopause and had depression, you did NOTHING.

“When I was so sad that our two oldest children left home, you did NOTHING. You never brought me a flower just to say you loved me, you never stood up for me when your mother was so mean to me.

“That time I twisted my ankle and I could barely walk, I had to get out of bed at 6:00 am and fix breakfast — and you lay there snoring and did NOTHING. Nothing seems to be what you do best!”

“You never told me!” Zack cried with an injured look on his face.