I laughed with tears all day after reading this joke Brilliant continuation in the first comment. Read full story in comment

The duo endured a lengthy sermon at the church, and the woman eventually gave in to exhaustion, drifting off to sleep. Seeing this, her husband tried to rouse her gently with a nudge. At this point, the priest asked the congregation a question.

The priest then inquired about the gathering that had led the Israelites to freedom from slavery in Egypt. Startled awake from her slumber, the wife exclaimed, “The Almighty!” before dozing off again.

Later, when questioned about the one who had sacrificed for the forgiveness of their sins, she firmly declared, “Jesus Christ!” The woman continued to doze during the sermon, somewhat annoyed by her husband’s unexpected nudge, which was quite unsurprising. Her husband made another attempt to wake her when the priest raised another question.

The priest asked, “What words did Eve speak to Adam after the birth of their last child?” She responded irritably, “I swear, if you touch me with that again, I’ll snap it in half.” According to a close friend, Jerry Springer harbored a significant secret until his passing. Cher and her 40-year-old partner divorced five months after exchanging a diamond engagement ring.

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SHE WORE A TOY BADGE AT FIVE—NOW SHE’S LEADING THE FORCE I remember the cheap plastic badge digging into my chest and my oversized blue costume drooping past my knees. I was five. It was Halloween. And I knew—with the kind of certainty only kids can have—that I was going to be a cop one day. Nobody took me seriously, of course. My Aunt Cici laughed and said, “Aww, how cute. Next year she’ll want to be a princess.” But I didn’t change my mind. Not when the other girls traded their plastic batons for wands. Not when I got older and the guys in high school said I was “too soft” for that kind of work. I worked night shifts at a diner to pay my way through the academy. Some nights I’d walk home dead tired, with my shoes soaked from snowmelt and my hands trembling from pouring coffee for ten hours. I kept my badge from that Halloween on my mirror—just to remind myself why I was doing it. The first time I made a traffic stop alone, my heart was pounding so hard I thought the driver could hear it. But I did it. Then came tougher calls. Domestic disputes. Overdoses. One time, a hostage situation that still wakes me up at 3 a.m. with sweat down my back. But I kept going. I never quit. Last week, I got promoted to sergeant. I walked into my new office and found a little box sitting on my desk. Inside was that same Halloween badge—bent, faded, but still intact. My dad had saved it all these years. I looked at it, and for the first time, I cried. Not because I’d made it. But because somewhere, that five-year-old girl knew she would. And now… the little girls in my neighborhood ask to take pictures with me when I’m in uniform. But here’s the part I’ve never told anyone—not even my partner. The night before my final academy test… I almost walked away. ??

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I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING TO YELL AT ME—BUT THEY KNELT DOWN INSTEAD I was trying to fix it myself. My bike chain popped off—again—and I didn’t have the right tools. So there I was, kneeling at the little repair station near the park, pretending like I knew what I was doing. My hands were greasy, my shoelace had come undone, and I could feel my ears burning every time a car passed by. I didn’t want to ask for help. I just wanted to finish and go home. Then I heard the tires roll up behind me. Slow. Crunching on the grass. Cops. Two of them. My stomach sank. I thought maybe I wasn’t supposed to be there, or that someone had called about a kid messing around near the street. I didn’t even turn around. I just kept fiddling with the wrench, hoping they’d move on. But then one of them said, real calm, “Hey, looks like you could use an extra hand.” I froze. Then the other one—older, quieter—knelt down beside me and ⬇️ (continue reading in the first cᴑmment)

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